So you know how people say "I'd rather have root canal" like that's a bad thing? Next week I'm having root canal. I'm looking forward to it. It will finally put an end to my pain while eating cold things (i.e. ice cream).
I'm also looking forward to it because I have absolutely nothing else to look forward to that is out of the ordinary.
I have no dates. So I have plenty of time to schedule root canal.
I also have time to have a suspicious mole removed and treat a yeast infection.
All of these fun activities include kind men in white coats taking care of me. For a few minutes I succumb to the fantasy that they really care that I wont itch or twinge. I pretend that for no other reason than medical ethics, they haven't asked me to travel the world with them, enveloped in their warmth, protected from the dangers of the sun, cold and vaginal flora.
It's not just the disappointment that doctors don't ask me out. I encounter so many men in my life. They are part of the fabric of my day. They are the people I meet when I have errands to run and things to do - doctors, lawyers, clerks, teachers, colleagues, ticket takers, waiters, drivers, toll collectors. They are the men who stand in front of me at the supermarket or behind me at the bank. They are the the men who stop at the same red light, and the men who stop to pet my dog.
They stop for a moment in my life, share their sunshine and leave again.
Some of the men who pass through my life stay longer than others, some should have left long before they did.
For now, I am not accepting passers-by into my life, for better or worse.
It means I have fewer dates and spend more time in front of the TV, but there are a lot of good shows on.
For now I will fill up my calendar with the mundane and find comfort in myself.
Sometimes the situation is OK and sometimes it really sucks.
Today it really sucks.