Pass the Pretzels

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I moved from suburbia to the city so that I would have things to do when I was alone. 


So, when I was feeling restless one hot summer night and I decided that an adorable Miniature French Poodle is as good a conversation starter as any, I put on my casual best, cleaned my dog's butt, and decided to take her for a walk in what passes for the center of activity around here. 


After driving in concentric circles for 20 minutes looking for a parking spot, I was beginning to regret the effort I made to go out, when I could have been splayed braless on a sofa watching reruns of Friends. 


If I hadn't found a parking spot I would have cancelled my date with myself. An all time humiliating low. I would have relegated the "all dressed up" part of my evening to a practice run for getting dressed for work in the morning. 


But reminded that I was armed with a Poodle, I persevered into the streets teeming with couples. 


As it turns out, a Poodle is a great guy magnet for gay men, and octogenarian Russian immigrants. 


Convinced that this was not going to be a Prince Charming evening, I, Poodle in leash, determined that this was the perfect time to try out my fantasy of going to a pub by myself. 


My dissociative plan involved posing as a business woman from America just getting some fresh evening air.


As my dog stopped to sniff urine on a street lamp, I realized that I didn't know any normal business women who travelled abroad with their dogs. 


Plan A aborted, initiate Plan B: I went to a pub with an outside patio and tried not to think of Looking For Mr. Goodbar. 


The whole experience was pretty painless. No one really cared that I was alone, and I was grateful for a cold beer and pretzels instead of yet another cup of coffee. In any case, the elderly woman with the pill box hat, taffeta fucshia cocktail dress and cleavage out to there was getting all of the glances.


Anyone know where I can get a more macho dog?


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Is This Seat Taken?

I dont remember the last time I could sit alone at a table without someone taking my chairs. 


What is about me that cries out - "There is no way in hell that this woman will have anyone eventually sitting next to her. Let's take her chairs, one by one, so that no matter how small the table, it will be extra obvious that she is alone, and we can add salt to the wound that is her life of going solo to venues that everyone else goes in pairs." 


I feel like that Frasier episode. The one where he insists he can go to a fancy restaurant on his own without embarrasment. He eventually ends up BEGGING to sit with a family he doesn't know. 


Here is my take on flying solo at different establishments:

• Cafe's are welcoming during the day. Night is a little borderline.
• By day they provide free newspapers, as if to say, "we know you are just stopping by to kill some time in between your daily tasks. Here. Take this newspaper and look busy, no one will care."
• By night, the owner still nods hello and makes you feel welcome, but the newspapers are gone and you are on your own to keep yourself entertained. 
• Restaurants are a borderline experience on your own day and night. The tables are bigger, and they don't have wireless. 
• Pubs with food by day are probably OK. 
• By day, I haven't gone in one on my own. What's the point during daylight if they don't serve coffee?
• I once went into a pub in the evening by myself because they had a nice porch and I wanted to sit outside. Lest you think I'm a role model to all single women, keep in mind that of miles of pubs in my area, I chose the one closest to the turn off to my neighborhood and spoke English the whole time so that they would think I was a tourist. It could take me some time to get out my comfort zone on this one. 
• Bars on  your own, day or night, are just too Looking for Mr. Goodbar Let's not go down that road.

I have a hunch I'll have a lot more to say on this subject. 

For the time being, when a tall, handsome man asks, "is this seat taken?" I just grin and bear it as he carries it off to his party of 6. 

Maybe one day soon, when I least expect it, "is this seat taken?" will be followed by "mind if I join you?" and my life will change forever. 

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