About Me

My Photo
Haifa, Israel
Divorced and independent and still looking for Mr. Right in the back of the fridge.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

"Such a Pretty Face" or Chapter 1 in my Journey to Lose Weight


Don't tell anyone, but I'm planning bariatric surgery. 

Don't bother:  "relating to or specializing in the treatment of obesity" The Merriam-Webster Dictionary 

Apparently, "needs to loose a little weight but doesn't she have a pretty face?" has given way to "oh look! she can't cross her legs but doesn't her hair look great?"

Well, I still think I'm pretty, even if the health system here labels me morbidly obese. 

Seriously? The cutoff seems quite arbitrary.  I don't care if my BMI has PMS, OCD and visits the DMV,  I may not be thin, but I am not on death's doorstep. 

Or maybe I'm not seeing myself as I should. 
I always considered myself an intelligent self-aware individual, but my confidence was shaken a few weeks ago when I discovered that I am no longer 5'4".

***** Cut to an image of my Great Aunt Anna -- all 4 feet of her - bustling around her Philly landmark restaurant, the Ambassador. "Mommy, why is she so short?" "Old people shrink, honey." 

So at 5'2" and ba-da-ba-bum pounds, I passed the requisite committees, medical tests and interviews which will entitle me to invite someone to cut away part of my stomach.

 But only after a diet meant to reduce the fat on my liver so that he can find it.

One of the specialists who has to agree to bariatric surgery in Israel is a psychiatrist. For better or worse, I have a psychiatrist who knows me for years. He is convinced that I am "fit to stand trial", that I understand the issues, that I have realistic expectations and that I will be so much happier in life if I can get back to the thin version of me.  

I really do believe that I have realistic expectations. With that established, I'm ready to go.

But first I have to  tell someone there is a conference room at work with chairs that have gotten narrower over the years. 

Friday, March 13, 2015

At Least I Never Changed My Status on Facebook


I am so pissed at Hollywood. 

Apparently, a sad ex-lover never shows up at your door dissheveled and morose.
His friends don't call you to tell you he is a broken man.
And you don't get a do-over.  

After a reasonable amount of wallowing, I (YET AGAIN (wtf)) pulled myself up and brushed myself off. 

No world catastrophes when I took him off Speed Dial, although the weather did suddenly get super stormy.

Despite my last entry, I still hadn't added him to my emergency numbers. 
I must have sensed already that "Call in Case of Emergency" will be perpetually relegated to my children and first ex-husband. 

I suspect that somewhere deep inside, my equilibrium is set to status Single because I never changed my status on Facebook.

Imagine the quantum physics of a changed Facebook status back to single. 

  • The tide might never ebb.
  • The Salmon might stay downstream.
  • Cumulonimbus clouds might never dissipate.
  • Candian Geese might Winter in Buffalo.
  • Vesuvius might bury Pompeii.
I am already responsibile for two wars in the Middle East which coincided with my divorces. I don't think I could handle any more responsibility.

So, for now, there you have it. This blog is not obsolete yet. 

Sunday, December 14, 2014

He Always Has Ice Cream.


Five months and I have upgraded him from "Favorites" to "Speed Dial". 
Next month I'll add him to my emergency numbers. 
After all, I'm trying to take things slowly....

Yet all of the signs are there:

I let him drive.
I make him soup.
I warm my feet on him and give him the good pillow.

He brings me mellons and car freshener.
He puts together my Ikea furniture.
He always has ice cream. 
He thinks I'm funny and is duly impressed that I can drive a stick. 

He is kind and considerate, intuitive and attentive, and he ALMOST always knows the right thing to say... 
(No, when I show you a picture of me with my 2 sisters and ask who is the prettiest, Deborah is NOT the right answer...)

He is my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night.

I am grateful every day that he is a part of my life.

Don't tell anyone because I don't want to jinx it, but I am really happy.