tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43748984456990557022024-03-09T01:22:00.749+02:00A Farewell to Horizontal StripesA look at life over 50, from my corner of Israel.Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-11827582238037922742017-03-16T16:18:00.000+02:002017-03-16T16:18:42.901+02:00All Dressed Up___________<br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Interesting that my last blog post was exactly 10 kilos ago! That's how I measure time now. 10 kilos ago - 22 lbs ago! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have been busy changing my life. Now that the dust is settling and routine is rearing its ugly head I will get back to writing. I'm here for just a few moments so that you don't forget me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Since my gastric sleeve surgery 16 months ago, I have lost 41 kilos - that's 90 pounds. I will repeat that... I have lost 90.2 pounds. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I also now wear horizontal stripes!! Please don't hate me. It just happened by accident. I was shopping at Mood in NYC for fabric to make a shirt in my sewing class (more on that another time). I chose an abstract design with the suggestion of vertical stripes. Yadda yadda yadda, turns out they were horizontal stripes! And no! Y</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ou can't just work with the fabric in any direction you choose! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm not going to change the name of the blog, however all the references to my old name behind the scenes on this platform may be partly responsible for keeping me away. I'm also not going to post a new picture yet. I will save it for whatever new platform I migrate to. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In a nutshell, here's what it feels like to be me now...</span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I can get dressed in 5 minutes. The remaining 85 minutes which I had allotted myself for getting ready for work go to nothing in particular and I enjoy it very much. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I do not fear getting out of deep, cushy sofas.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am not on a diet.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I walk into any clothing store I want. I often walk out before browsing more than one rack because the music sucks, not because the clothes won't fit. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I cross my legs a lot. Not because it's comfortable. Just because I can.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have discovered my rib cage. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have discovered my undercarriage.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I own a little black dress (!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Full length mirrors are my friend. Magnifying mirrors up to my face in a well lit room are not. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am obsessed with outerwear, now that I can winter without feeling like Ursa Major.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I get stabbing gas pains from cabbage.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I don't dread going to the gym, but I don't love it either. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I eat a lot of protein. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I miss having big boobs but I'll live.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I can probably jog but have no interest in trying.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I can wear tights and sneakers to run errands and still feel pretty.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The list goes on, but l</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">est you suspect that everything is peachy, I mostly feel like I'm all dressed up with no place to go.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So for now, please accept this sign of life from me as a virtual hug. Thanks for all the encouragement. Love you one and all. </span></div>
Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-35892601437546534502016-07-25T11:34:00.001+03:002016-07-25T11:34:10.414+03:00Don't Call Us, We'll Call You...<br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is what I do when someone I like doesn't answer my call... </span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I call everyone I know who won't answer my call.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Then I call everyone who was a passing ship in the night - just to drive it home.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Then I will write texts that I know won't get answered. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Then I will wallow in self-pity.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Somewhere between points 2 and 3 I remind myself that I'm better than this. </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">By point 4 I have forgotten. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There used to be a point 5 which alternated between buying a small appliance and eating ice cream. At my worst, they coincided. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now I count to 10 and indulge in a few moments of quiet reflection. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Voila! I no longer am afraid of my own reflection! Literally! Let's go look in the mirror!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My butt is white-girl small.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My chest bones </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">are visible </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">(do they have a name other than "those-bones-that-every-fat-woman-notices-on-skinny-women"?)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My hair looks well above average. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So what if I haven't met that guy that not only wants to be with me, but I want to be with him? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A world of opportunity is before me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have shed 31 kilos so far. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Just to be clear. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It is not the skinny me that suddenly has opportunities that fat me didn't. It is skinny me that is shedding burdens, baggage, and every possible cliche, because I am creating opportunity. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am taking drastic, life changing steps to shed my debt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Soon I will emerge a tabula rasa of sorts, never too old to start over, never too old to remake myself, never too old to correct wrongs. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am not quite there yet. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But for the time being I am enjoying sitting cross-legged on a bar stool without rolling off.</span></div>
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Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-35549909785181813822016-03-31T10:32:00.000+03:002016-03-31T10:32:07.351+03:00Groucho was Right.<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">________________________________________</span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Someone wants to have coffee with me tonight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I had one conversation with him last night and he called me this morning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In the course of the next few hours I will determine everything that is wrong with him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;">After all, he wants to have coffee with me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It matters little that I saw him on a dating site and I wrote to him. He answered. So something is wrong with him.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What does it matter that he turned out to be a lawyer who enjoys travelling, theater and cinema and wants to be in a relationship? He answered. So something must be wrong with him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Here is everything that is wrong with him so far:<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span dir="LTR"></span>He told me he would call me at 10pm and he did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span dir="LTR"></span>He coughed twice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span dir="LTR"></span>He used the speaker on his phone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span dir="LTR"></span>He asked me if I like Israel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span dir="LTR"></span>He asked me if I like to dance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">6.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span dir="LTR"></span>He asked me if I go to a gym.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">7.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span dir="LTR"></span>He was impressed that I am at work at 8am<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am one step away from Elaine's famous breakup over punctuation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Do I really want to be in a club that would have me as a member? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'll let you know when my self-esteem gets the memo from my new thinner self advising of the changes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-30787568406244704862016-02-05T10:10:00.000+02:002016-02-05T10:10:14.027+02:00Horizontal Stripes<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">_________________</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yesterday I almost bought a shirt with horizontal stripes. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"Almost" being the operative word here, it's not fair to buy Horizontal Stripes without a nod to my readers. However few you may be, you are loyal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I soon celebrate 3 months of Gastric Sleeve surgery. At 17 kilos lighter (<i>multiply by 2.2 for pounds</i>), I am on the path I sought: the path of renewal, of re-affirmation, of re-defining, of re-organizing, of re-thinking. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As heroic as it all sounds, it comes with re-prisals, re-grets, re-jection, re-tardation, and re-ally shitty moments.</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am thinking of changing the format of this blog, but that comes with a sense of failure about the present format. Why do I have 18,670 views and only 11 followers?<br /></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am thinking about giving up my shop <a href="http://www.carmelgiftshop.com/" target="_blank">Carmel Gifts</a>. Why do my competitors do so well with such ugly sites and spelling errors until kingdom come and I have only sporadic orders?<br /></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Why doesn't anyone click through my links to Amazon so that I can earn a few extra pennies?<br /></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Why don't any of the dating sites yield dates? We should rename them write-to-handsome-men-my-own-age-and-get-no-answer sites.<br /></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Take all the complaints and keep in mind that I only have 20% of a stomache. Comfort eating is no longer an option. <a href="http://rosa-i-think-i-will-stay.blogspot.co.il/2015/10/a-large-salad-please.html" target="_blank">(Read my last post...)</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">True, I'm already lookin' pretty hot, but damn I miss Ben and Jerry.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I now go to the gym and dare to choose a treadmill in front of the mirror. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I now look good in jeans.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I now am DYING to run into an ex boyfriend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I keep humming "...and Suzie wore here sweaters tight..." (Kudos to my kids who bought me tix to Elton John).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">These 17 kilos in less than 3 months are only a fraction of the weight loss I can expect, only the start to actually enjoying life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So here we go, daring to do something different with the blog, and posting a picture of myself before and now.<br /><br /><i><span style="color: #cc0000;">And thanks for listening to me whine. I promise to be funnier in my next post.</span></i><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vwNMIYQzVxU/VrRUYZfCwgI/AAAAAAAARyg/Xnid7LJY3i0/s1600/weight%2Bloss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="486" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vwNMIYQzVxU/VrRUYZfCwgI/AAAAAAAARyg/Xnid7LJY3i0/s640/weight%2Bloss.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Left, the day before surgery. Right, a week ago. Middle, somewhere in between.</span></td></tr>
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<br />Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-43165160429966870832015-10-22T21:15:00.002+03:002015-10-22T21:43:36.253+03:00A Large Salad Please<br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Counting down to the 11th of November, the day I go under the knife, the most drastic exclamation that I have got to </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">embrace eating to live instead of living to eat. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I will look forward to my croutons on a salad instead of my ice cream in a ladle.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Gastric sleeve surgery will give me the kick start I am looking for to lose weight. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I leave the quantifying of weight loss to the skinny people. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I expect to shed at least the equivalent of a 4th grader in the first few months. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This is how much weight I eventually want to lose:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I can cross my legs under a table.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I can throw on a pair of jeans.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I don't dread living rooms with deep cushiony sofas.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I hope to run into an ex boyfriend.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I can wear panty hose more than once.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I can wear horizontal stripes (!)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don't break beach chairs.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wear a belt as an accessory.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wear clunky shoes and still look thin.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My butt crack does not contine up my back.</span></li>
</ol>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And so on and so forth. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hmmm. Flesh out (pun intended) the story behind each of the above and I've got a damn good best seller on my hands....</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">For now, this is me not eating the brownies my daughter smelled up the kitchen with.</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'll let you know if they survive the night. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-35714400250030843282015-10-12T15:10:00.001+03:002015-10-12T15:10:02.829+03:00"Houston, We Have a Problem" or Chapter 3 in my Journey to Lose Weight_____________________<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">October 4th 2015, 12:49. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Houston, come in. We have a problem.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">111.10 kilos buck naked. Maximum payload exceded. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Requesting go-ahead for emergency protocol.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">*** Copy, Voyager. Commence emergency protocol***</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Roger, Houston. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Preparations commencing to shed excess. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Commencing ice cream drain-off</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">***Roger, Voyager. Rocky Road relocated to Milky Way. Continue. Over***</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Copy. Commencing Carb ejection. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">***Copy, Voyager. Got that on radar. Re-directing carbs to training camps for safe use. Over.***</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Roger, Houston. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Emergency Protocol completed. Ice Cream and Carbs ejected. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Taking over controls. Overriding auto-pilot. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">***Negative on that Voyager. ***</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Houston.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Repeat. ice cream and carbs ejected, w</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">e can handle it from here.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> Relinquish controls. Over.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">***Negative. Voyager. You can't handle shit. One minute without ice cream and carbs and you think you are safe. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Confirm final weight and will consider relinquishing the vessel to your control. Over"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Shit, Houston. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Over</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">***Houston will continue monitoring your payload, Voyager. Over and Out."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Affirmative Houston. Thanks for watching my back. Over and Out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">-------------------------------------------</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wish I had a dozen thin tied men watching monitors 24/7, protecting me from myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For lack of that, I have a doctor who is about to cut away part of my stomach and a team of cheer leaders rooting for my victory over temptation. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Maybe they will all be proud of me and eventually I will be proud of myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-83080805580180433622015-09-24T21:18:00.001+03:002015-09-24T21:37:32.113+03:00"I Bought a Scale" - or Chapter 2 in My Journey to Lose Weight_________________<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Swing band hour on the radio. Muted trumpets and a nice breeze as evening turns to night. Imagine my surroundings in black and white, and </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's almost enough to put me in a good mood, certainly a melancholy one (baby). Walk into a pleasant apartment after 12 hours at work and I almost wished I still smoked. I would open a bottle of wine but would have to throw it out before I had any one else to share it with. I briefly consider polishing off the bottle myself but know this atmosphere won't keep for too long</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm getting hungry and I know there is a frozen pizza in the freezer. Shit. There goes the mood. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">In that flitting moment when I remember the pizza, my own personal Romantic Comedy morphs into a B Horror movie. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">In the former, I live in the upper east side and am bored, seeking a simpler life in Vermont. In the latter, </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'm changing into a boll wevil frantically seeking a cotton plantation in the bronx.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Back to reality and I am congratulating myself for buying a scale.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">When I take it out of the car kudos will really be in order.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have to wean myself off sweets and carbonated beverages prior to my gastric sleeve surgery. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I will. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I always rise to the occasion, no matter how far down I start. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Pretty soon my hugs will have to come from people instead of food.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But for now a pizza yearns </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">for attention.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-87269380212286578552015-08-18T23:28:00.001+03:002015-08-18T23:28:42.047+03:00"Such a Pretty Face" or Chapter 1 in my Journey to Lose Weight<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">____________________________</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Don't tell anyone, but I'm planning bariatric surgery. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Don't bother: <i> "relating to or specializing in the treatment of obesity" <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/087779636X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=087779636X&linkCode=as2&tag=carmgift-20&linkId=GFSERAP4EOJF5C4U">The Merriam-Webster Dictionary</a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=carmgift-20&l=as2&o=1&a=087779636X" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Apparently, "needs to loose a little weight but doesn't she have a pretty face?" has given way to "oh look! she can't cross her legs but doesn't her hair look great?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, I still think I'm pretty, even if the health system here labels me morbidly obese. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Seriously? The cutoff seems quite arbitrary. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> I don't care if my BMI has PMS, OCD and visits the DMV, </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I may not be thin, but I am not on death's doorstep. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />Or maybe I'm not seeing myself as I should. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I always considered myself an intelligent self-aware individual, but my confidence was shaken a few weeks ago when I discovered that I am no longer 5'4".<br /><br /><i>***** Cut to an image of my Great Aunt Anna -- all 4 feet of her - bustling around her Philly landmark restaurant, the Ambassador. "Mommy, why is she so short?" "Old people shrink, honey." </i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i><br /></i>So at 5'2" and ba-da-ba-bum pounds, I passed the requisite committees, medical tests and interviews which will entitle me to invite someone to cut away part of my stomach.<br /><br /> But only after a diet meant to reduce the fat on my liver so that he can find it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">One of the specialists who has to agree to bariatric surgery in Israel is a psychiatrist. For better or worse, I have a psychiatrist who knows me for years. He is convinced that I am "fit to stand trial", that I understand the issues, that I have realistic expectations and that I will be so much happier in life if I can get back to the thin version of me. <br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I really do believe that I have realistic expectations. With that established, I'm ready to go. <br /><br />But first I have to tell someone there is a conference room at work with chairs that have gotten narrower over the years. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /><br /><br />
<br />
</span> Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-89428207558918654022015-03-13T09:57:00.003+02:002015-03-13T09:57:43.843+02:00At Least I Never Changed My Status on Facebook<br />
____________________________<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am so pissed at Hollywood. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Apparently, a sad ex-lover never shows up at your door dissheveled and morose.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">His friends don't call you to tell you he is a broken man.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And you don't get a do-over. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After a reasonable amount of wallowing, I (YET AGAIN (wtf)) pulled myself up and brushed myself off. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">No world catastrophes when I took him off Speed Dial, although the weather did suddenly get super stormy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">D</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">espite my last </span><a href="http://rosa-i-think-i-will-stay.blogspot.co.il/2014/12/he-always-has-ice-cream." style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">entry</a><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">, I still hadn't added him to my emergency numbers. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I must have sensed already that "Call in Case of Emergency" will be perpetually relegated to my children and first ex-husband. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I suspect that somewhere deep inside, my equilibrium is set to status Single because I never changed my status on Facebook.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Imagine the quantum physics of a changed Facebook status back to single. </span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The tide might never ebb.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The Salmon might stay downstream.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Cumulonimbus clouds might never dissipate.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Candian Geese might Winter in Buffalo.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Vesuvius might bury Pompeii.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am already responsibile for two wars in the Middle East which coincided with my divorces. I don't think I could handle any more responsibility.</span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So, for now, there you have it. This blog is not obsolete yet. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-15313225636689801862014-12-14T22:48:00.000+02:002014-12-14T22:48:07.318+02:00He Always Has Ice Cream.<br />
___________________________________________________________________<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Five months and I have upgraded him from "Favorites" to "Speed Dial". </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Next month I'll add him to my emergency numbers. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After all, I'm trying to take things slowly....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Yet all of the signs are there:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I let him drive.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I make him soup.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I warm my feet on him and</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> give him the good pillow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He brings me mellons and car freshener.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He puts together my Ikea furniture.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He always has ice cream. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He thinks I'm funny and is duly impressed that I can drive a stick. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He is kind and considerate, intuitive and attentive, and he ALMOST always knows the right thing to say... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">(<i>No, when I show you a picture of me with my 2 sisters and ask who is the prettiest, Deborah is NOT the right answer...)</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He is my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am grateful every day that he is a part of my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Don't tell anyone because I don't want to jinx it, but </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am really happy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yeah. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-46859015262508333612014-05-02T14:35:00.000+03:002014-05-02T14:35:58.138+03:00"We've Got To Move this Refrigerator, We've Got to Move this Color TV"<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">__________________</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have done it again. Love evades me so I bought a flat screen TV. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://rosa-i-think-i-will-stay.blogspot.co.il/2012/06/i-got-stood-up-today-so-i-bought-flat.html" target="_blank">Last time I did it</a>, it was instead of ice cream. This time the cache is full of the new summer flavors. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As if it weren't enough that I feel heartbroken, I hate myself for my obvious and trite methods of consoling myself. Ice cream (obvious), shopping spree (trite).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I do however stand out from the lonely hearts crowd by going big when I need comfort. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I buy major appliances. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The one that got away warranted a garbage disposal.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The one that stood me up won me a small flat screen TV.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The date from purgatory replaced my dryer.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And now the misbegotten affection has hit the jackpot with the large flat screen TV, in front of which I will deplete the above mentioned cache while watching all seasons of Project Runway and imagine that it is I who gets Tim's hug of doom before being sent to clean up my space.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Suddenly the expression "Go big or go home" seems ironic. I have found the way to go big AND go home. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Maybe I'm not that trite after all. </span></div>
Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-17786210578367775102014-02-21T09:29:00.001+02:002014-02-21T09:29:45.650+02:00A Rose By Any Other Name-----------------------------<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I changed my name. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As of February 2nd I am no longer Rosa Ziv, I am Rachel Rose Shalev. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Carrying around my ex-husband's last name has been weighing on me for years. 12 years divorced, and the last 10 of them deciding on a new name while picking up the pieces of my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For years I had the last name Sarid in mind. It means survivor, or remnant, in Hebrew. I thought it was a very Zionistic name, and descriptive of my life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I mentioned the name to a woman I consult with on life's more ethereal issues. She replied, "Why do you want to just survive?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So years passed without an alternative - I must have been in survival mode longer than I thought. But i</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">n the last few months I decided on Shalev. Let's just say the name has some roots for me in Israel. But mostly it means Tranquil. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Last name chosen, why not change the first name that seemed to be bothering the shit out of me recently. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The name Rosa loses all its poetry in Israel. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Not only is it reminiscent of a Moroccan grandmother (no offense to the wonderful Moroccan grandmothers, but I'm not one) it is the subject of a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgYxk7qpAto" target="_blank">Yehoram Gaon</a> song which everyone who meets me feels the need to sing, and then ask me during my last 29 years in Israel if I've heard it... </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The chorus starts "Ach, ach, ach, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa..." Somehow, it just doesn't make it to the list of names you love from songs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Determined to feel better about my name, I kept the name Rose, the grandmother for whom I was named, and armed with the Hebrew name Rachel from my youth, I changed my first name, too, to Rachel Rose.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'll do something I never did in this blog and use the Hebrew, but I just have to show you why I chose Rachel, רייצ'ל over רחל. <a href="http://www.mako.co.il/tv-erez-nehederet/770e3d99ade16110-3dcd8020c3457110/season8?subChannelId=8ff5da9ddcd3d210VgnVCM2000002a0c10acRCRD&vcmid=b0b9674728e5e210VgnVCM2000002a0c10acRCRD" target="_blank">The Israelis among you will understand</a>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Explanation out of the way, how does it make me feel? I walked out of the Ministry of Interior with my new name, smiling. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm still getting used to it, as are others. Most people at work called me Rose anyway, but now they are having fun calling me Rach. I like it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I think that until I change my name in the bank, on my US passport and on Google, the transformation won't be total. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Has it changed my life? Not in the last 3 weeks, but I certainly feel like I'm facing forward instead of carrying the burdens of the past. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Do I still get lonely? Hell yes. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Do I let it get me down? Once a week. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Do I feel optimistic? I feel I am capable of change. </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Last year this time I pierced an extra hole in each ear because I needed a change and didn't have the money to move house. This year I shed some baggage. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I believe that 2014 is my year. The year that great things will happen. </span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The year that when I get dressed, I will have someplace to go. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The year that when I need a hug, it will come from someone other than my kids.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The year that my mantras will manifest in reality.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The year that the universe will smile on me.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Wish me luck. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Signed, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Rachel Rose Shalev. </span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-47870787796183101102013-12-06T13:46:00.000+02:002013-12-06T13:46:27.896+02:00The Pursuit of Butterflies<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">-----------------</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've decided to donate my brain to psychiatry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I would donate my hormones, id and libido but no one wants them.</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Upon examination of my brain, someone very clever might </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">finally understand what drives me to idiocy and self deprecation in my incessant pursuit of the wrong man. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I hear that there are more women like me and that the literature on the subject is abundant, but I haven't read any of it because I would be forced to recognize myself and stop it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My attraction to the unattainable is teetering between the ridiculous and the absurd.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've been told that even available - emotionally or otherwise - guys can be exciting, could keep my attention and would make the butterflies flutter. They did decades ago, but we were all available then. We married them, divorced them and the rest is history. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There should be a speed dating event for us good ones - women and men alike - those of us who like the bad boys and the bitches, respectively. We would speed interact with each other with kindness and attention and bore each other to death. When they finally scrape our corpses off the floor and donate our brains to psychiatry they will discover that we are basically fine human beings with a few scratches here and there, and a few wounds that never healed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">At the very least, they will discover that we tried as hard as we could to do the ineffable right thing. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Most of the time we managed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But once in a while we really missed those beautiful butterflies.</span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-13816176572775670102013-11-23T22:16:00.000+02:002013-11-23T22:16:17.808+02:00The Doctor Will See You Now<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wonder if I had been a Doctor if I would still be so intent on finding one. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's not my fault that the mystique surrounding Doctors lingers this many years and laughs in the face of every ounce of wisdom I have accumulated. Readers of my generation don't require any explanations or apologies. Certainly not the Jewish ones. And no, PhDs don't count. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I am not a doctor (I'll stop capitalizing the word now) and the mystique has led me off the path of common sense and verging on hussiness. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A couple of years ago I came across a doctor on a dating site. He had the good sense to post a photo of himself in a white coat and a stethescope because he didn't have much else going for him personality wise. When he called me, I was smitten, and I stayed a smitten kitten much longer than he deserved. A Pediatrician in a major Pediatric hospital has a cache about it that other professions don't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So shoot me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Last year, I found myself in any number of outpatient procedures which required the whole shabang of ass flattering hospital gowns and recovery rooms. I shamelessly flirted with the Anasthesiologists who promptly rendered me unconscious. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">While I totally got off on the absolute black out and have found no other way to replicate it without the use of illicit drugs, I have to say to myself, "Good grief." Anasthesiologists knock their patients out. It hardly exudes doctors-without-borders emotion. It reminds me of an Inheritance Lawyer I dated who said he chose the specialty so that his clients wouldn't call him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">One month ago I had surgery. None of this child's play go home in a few hours "procedures." The hard-core stuff. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A month of multiple hospital stays prior to surgery would have been a haven for me in my search, had I not been deathly ill and looking like crap. But leave it to my mom to ask what I was wearing and if I at least put on some makeup... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I mercilessly berated her for her gross insensitivity to my condition, and assured her that a catheter and a bag of urine hanging over my bed would not bring me dates even WITH mascara. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Don't tell her, but I did purchase expensive pyjamas prior to my surgery a month later. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Ah yes. Surgery. Surgeons. The cream of the crop. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They meet you in their clinics in their fine clothes and leather chair and with a heart melting smile reassure you that everything will be fine. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And when they meet you in their crocs and scrubs at 7am on the appointed day and again reassure you that everything will be fine, your naked vulnerability never crosses your mind because they are holding your hand as you count backward from 10.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">At your groggiest you are vaguely aware that they are graciously instructing the recovery room staff to give you more morphine. Later in your room, you can't wait for tomorrow when you might have enough strength to change into your new pyjamas before your Surgeon makes his rounds.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And for days and weeks thereafter, you rise above your condition and try to look your best. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But all the Doctors were taken a long time ago. Probably by nurses with pony tails and perky boobs. Yet you tell yourself that this plethora of Doctors are stuck in marriages with bitchy fellow doctors and they just don't have the strength to do anything about it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The Surgeon has set the bar very high. I don't know how I will recover from this last incident of knowing that nothing less will do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then I recall that a comedy writer was as good as it could get, followed by an artist, and yes, even a Doctor here and there crossed my path. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They were all as good as it gets. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For now I want a Doctor. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Or do I just want someone to take care of me?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You do the math.</span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-50248961489924923712013-08-16T14:57:00.000+03:002013-08-16T14:57:04.542+03:00I Have a Dream<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">.......................................</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have a dream that I will make enough money one day to pay off my mortgage. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have a dream that one day my errant soulmate will find me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Now, here are my real dreams:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I dreamt that my entire house was filled with laundry that needed folding.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I dreamt that my house was surrounded by masked bandits.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I dreamt that all the good toilet stalls were taken and I had to pee in public. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I recently went on a singles weekend to Eilat and was so disenchanted that I didn't care that I was seen in a bathing suit. Of course there were about 4 men to 50 women. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Of the 4 about 2 were semi normal and he got my phone number... </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">He even called me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We had a nice date. Really. We went out again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">At some point I couldn't hold it back anymore and I started correcting his grammar. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I think he barely noticed because he had stopped listening somewhere around appetizers on the second date. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">One of those people that call you and start right in talking from the middle of the conversation, as if you have been privy to their thoughts for the last hour. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I still get dressed to run errands lest I meet someone. And of course that can't happen if I am wearing sneakers and no makeup. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I hold the gaze of someone who I think is cute and bat my ever thinning eyelashes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I haven't given up. Keep rooting for me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-28110216294840831682013-01-15T10:27:00.000+02:002013-01-15T10:27:15.792+02:00Soul Music....................<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I got a "new" car 6 months ago. I still haven't moved any CDs from the house to the car so I have been at the mercy of the radio; but I did finally give in and add music to my smart phone, once I learned that I can attach a cable to the car radio and listen. It only took me another two months to find the cable at a normal price. And voila. As of today, I have the perfect music in my car, and no warped CDs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I realized this morning on my way to work, how qualitatively different it is to listen to music in the morning than to listen to the news. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've mentioned <a href="http://rosa-i-think-i-will-stay.blogspot.co.il/2011/03/avoiding-music.html" target="_blank">here </a>before that music has a way of setting me off into deep sadness. However, today it was different. The resulting melancholy blues notwithstanding, I realized how much closer I have become to defining myself without defining me in relationship to others. I was able to listen to music without remembering who I was with the last time I heard that song, or worse yet, who I wish I could be with while listening the song right now. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">OK. So I did sneak in a who-I-wish-I-could-be-with or two, and he knows who he is, but it didn't put me over the edge. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Listening to the music I love, and not wallowing in self-pity, was a big step for me this morning. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Listening to the music I love brought me back to this blog, with the understanding that it didn't just have to be about my search for a man anymore. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This blog could now be just about being. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have decided that 2013 is my year.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Wish me luck. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-75501952331978844672012-12-08T12:26:00.003+02:002012-12-08T12:26:48.039+02:00May I See Your Portfolio?<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">..................................</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wish I could say I haven't written since August because I found someone. But I can't and I haven't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wish I could say that it was only because my online shop, <a href="http://www.carmelgiftshop.com/" target="_blank">Carmel Gifts</a>, keeps me busy 24/7 but I can't and it doesn't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have been busy with health issues with one of my children, unfortunately, but this will pass too, and it will no longer be an excuse as to why I haven't written for months on end. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The real reason I haven't written is because I am sparing my loyal readers the humorless diatribes about how truly hard it is to find someone suitable after age 50. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I was recently introduced to someone who was head over heels crazy about me, offering the whole relationship package, who even lives on my favorite street in Haifa. He immediately started inviting me to do relationship-y things before we had built up to that. (No, I don't want to come over for a bowl of soup. Take me out to a nice restaurant you idiot). Lo and behold, I realized what it was like to date a woman who wants a relationship. Pretty scary stuff. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I know that if I had felt that whole love at first sight magic (crap?) I would have gone with the flow. But I didn't and I didn't. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For ages, I never bothered to answer mail on sites from men that were just inappropriate from the get go. Now I do, because I am tired of being nice. I just answer them why they think I would interested in someone separated (yeah, right) with no picture who can only describe himself as "live and let live". Uh huh. I see real potential there. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I answer the 30 year old who asks if I've ever been with someone aged 30, with a yes, when I was 30. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I answer the 65 year old that I am not interested in being anyone's younger woman, but if he were 85 and sitting on a great portfolio, we'd have something to talk about. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I answer the 40 year old single man who wants a family, that I am not interested in waiting until he meets a 35 year old woman with a ticking uterus. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am still formulating an answer for the woman who tells me that I am a closet lesbian and that if I would just meet her I could discover my inner truth. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am teetering on the brink of not caring if I meet anyone or not. But who knows? Maybe someone will show up in time to pull me back from the edge. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-82136982367116356242012-08-25T12:39:00.002+03:002012-08-25T12:40:35.922+03:00Smile Smile Smile. <br />
......................<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I should never be left alone with a computer when I'm feeling lonely. I will join another dating site.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am always sure that this new site will be my saving grace. That among the tree-hugging masseurs, middle aged cradle robbers and 30 year olds that think they can teach me something, I may find myself starring in a Romantic Comedy. I will find the one who will have made it worth the wait. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As time goes by, I realize that chances are I won't find him on this new site or any other. Chances are I may never find him. Chances are I may kiss a lot of frogs and none of them will turn into princes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've been told that if I smile a lot the universe will smile on me. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But f</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">or goodness sake. Sometimes I just don't have a smile in me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Can't the universe start the smiling? I promise to smile back under the right circumstances. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
...................................Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-4365573254816824542012-08-14T21:53:00.001+03:002012-08-14T21:53:08.865+03:00Count Backward from Ten<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">....................</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm back. I wasn't really gone. Just totally distracted with a zillion thought bytes as well as undergoing minor surgery AND not being able to drive for two months.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">PLEASE do not ask me to give details about my life without driving. I am doing a fair job of not pulling my hair out by the roots, not pummeling civil servants about the head and chest, and not engaging in scathing diatribes against the passengers on public transportation for their intrusion on my personal space.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After all, public transportation is the reason that personal space was invented. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The minor surgery went well. I am desperately trying to relive that experience when, within the course of a split second I am </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">looking around the O.R. and then "poof", I am waking up in recovery. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I would like to believe that my shameless flirting with the anasthesiologist was not the reason they blacked me out. Regardless, I would love to attach myself to an I.V. drip with that stuff during my next bad date. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It's just as well they blacked me out. Gynecological surgery is never an event that makes a gal feel pretty. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Speaking of pretty, I got my hair done, had other hair removed, and generally, have been all dressed up with no place to go. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am distracted from this sad state of my love life by my pet projects, this blog being one of them. However, the wheels are churning much too fast in this little head of mine, and more often than not, I get nothing done rather than a lot done. I managed to slow down the thoughts and sift through them one by one. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Here are some of my conclusions:</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I will not feel bad that I don't write in my blog as often as I used to. Twice a month will be fine. And anyway, you wouldn't want me un-inspired, would you?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I don't expect to have a date every week. I will, instead, be grateful if a week goes by and I am not called an uppity, ugly bitch just because I didn't want to go out with someone. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> I have decided that it is NOT OK if my online <a href="http://www.carmelgiftshop.com/" target="_blank">shop </a>stays in the hobby realm. I need it to move into the earning realm. </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Most importantly, sometimes I find the wherewithal to remember that even if I never find my partner for life, I have 3 children who, while not calling as often as they should while I sit in the dark, are still pretty wonderful. And for that I am blessed. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-74270853381206080612012-08-03T17:55:00.001+03:002012-08-03T17:56:05.750+03:00Just a Silly Love Song<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">_______________</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Just when I thought I had until February 14th to avoid holidays meant for lovers, they hit me with the Israeli response to cherubs shooting arrows, Tu B'Av, the 15th of the Hebrew month of Av. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Apparently, </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">in post-Biblical times, </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">this particular full moon heralded the occasion for women to dress in white and prance in vineyards, so they could be chosen as wives. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The radio has been playing love songs all day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was OK as they played a sexy Samba. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was even OK when they played The Girl rom Ipanema. The muse of that song is 67 year old now. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Oh, but then they played It's Too Good to be True and I turned off the radio. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Most of the time I don't think too much about it. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I sleep sprawled on the bed and </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I get to hold the remote. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The rest of the time, I'd give up all the advantages of being alone in a heartbeat, just to have someone who will make my heart skip a beat. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Who knows. Maybe by February 14th the cherubs will find their way to Haifa and I'll have plans for dinner and the Samba. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">_________________________________</span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-77872432913076416522012-07-13T09:42:00.003+03:002012-07-13T09:42:40.664+03:00Missing Persons<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">...............</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I think I'll be a hitman.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I can make the strongest, most macho man disappear. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">No violence, no debris. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I disarm him with my charm.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I weaken his knees with my smile.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He drops all his armor at the sight of my beauty. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He is where I want him. In love with me at first sight; </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">reciting sonnets. He searches no more for his soul mate. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He is exposed. His jugular and his achilles, his soft belly.</span>
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I could whack him at that moment but my methods are more subtle.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Just one date with me and POOF, he's gone! </span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Never to be heard from again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">............................</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-84771362206350453822012-07-05T20:31:00.000+03:002012-07-05T22:27:52.000+03:00Pass the Pretzels....................................................<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I moved from suburbia to the city so that I would have things to do when I was alone. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So, when </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I was feeling restless one hot summer night and I decided that an adorable Miniature French Poodle is as good a conversation starter as any, I put on my casual best, cleaned my dog's butt, and decided to take her for a walk in what passes for the center of activity around here. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">After driving in concentric circles for 20 minutes looking for a parking spot, </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I was beginning to regret the effort I made to go out, when I could have been splayed braless on a sofa watching reruns of Friends. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">If I hadn't found a parking spot I would have cancelled my date with myself. An all time humiliating low. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I would have relegated the "all dressed up" part of my evening to a practice run for getting dressed for work in the morning. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But reminded that I was armed with a Poodle, I persevered into the streets teeming with couples. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As it turns out, a Poodle is a great guy magnet for gay men, and octogenarian Russian immigrants. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Convinced that this was not going to be a Prince Charming evening, I, Poodle in leash, determined that this was the perfect time to try out my fantasy of going to a pub by myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My dissociative plan involved posing as a business woman from America just getting some fresh evening air.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As my dog stopped to sniff urine on a street lamp, I realized that I didn't know any normal business women who travelled abroad with their dogs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Plan A aborted, initiate Plan B: </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I went to a pub with an outside patio and tried not to think of Looking For Mr. Goodbar. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The whole experience was pretty painless. No one really cared that I was alone, and I was </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">grateful for a cold beer and pretzels instead of yet another cup of coffee. In any case, the elderly woman with the pill box hat, taffeta fucshia cocktail dress and cleavage out to there was getting all of the glances.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Anyone know where I can get a more macho dog?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">...........................................................</span><br />
<br />Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-16604849542352936122012-06-22T12:16:00.001+03:002012-06-22T12:58:11.812+03:00Non-Caloric Solutions to a Bad Day<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I got stood up today so I bought a flat screen TV.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This in lieu of ice cream during a strict diet that I am actually sticking to. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ice cream is cheaper than a flat screen but the purpose is the same. Make me feel better when someone else makes me feel like crap. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Please no comments that I shouldn't let someone else make me feel bad about myself. Let's maintain some proportion. It's not an overall self esteem issue. Just a short lived self pitying wallowing. The ice cream effects my hips and the TV my wallet, but I can provide a dozen proofs that I deserve them both. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I look in the mirror and I say, "who is this stunning lady and why does she get stood up?" Again, a dozen reasons why I don't mind being free and independent but when push comes to shove, I'd rather not be alone. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I wish I could say that I am going home now with Ben and Jerry to watch my flat screen TV, but I am going to buy lettuce. I have also been ordered to stock the mess hall with enough snacks for 12 teenagers who are marching into my living room to rendezvous with that 15 year old girl/woman/hormonal terror with braces that lurks in my house because I'm her mother. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Why do i feel like I'm losing a war of attrition on all fronts? It's OK. For now I'll wallow. After the weekend, the generals in my head and heart will regroup and set out with new marching orders.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Hope I don't come back with a purple heart. </span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-10850844479671988052012-06-09T13:13:00.001+03:002012-06-09T13:13:04.963+03:00Supersize Me<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">----------------------------------------------------</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Lots of adventures in the last month. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"Adventures" might be overstating it, lets settle on challenges:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Challenges to keep my wits.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Challenges to keep my dignity.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Challenges to hold my tongue.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Challenges to not beat someone about the head and thorax mercilessly. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Challenges to not bake and eat cheese cake.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Successes: I didn't beat anyone about the head and thorax mercilessly. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I had a few dates. I paid. And when I didn't pay we had a lovely walk on the beach. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Spare me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I want someone to wine and dine me. Not whine and supersize me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So not generous of me. So 1950's of me. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Lots of things to do that don't cost money. But, crap. I do them all myself already.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am trying hard not discount someone because I don't like the cuff on their jeans. But 6 inches? R</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">eally?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Is it so out of the question to want someone that makes my heart skip a beat, at least at the beginning? Someone who takes my breath away, even if just for a second? Someone who pays on the first date, even if it is old fashoned? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I could be in a long phase, and eventually I'll get over it and settle for the next best thing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Until then, I'll keep dreaming. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4374898445699055702.post-39344383751479900672012-05-11T09:07:00.000+03:002012-05-11T09:07:18.153+03:00Sounds of Silence<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">..................................</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I think I'll get some cats. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I don't need a port for a ship to come in.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I don't need a stable for a white horse.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I'll get cats. Multiple cats. Inbreeding cats. Cats who will lay claim to the sofa and the laundry baskets.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">They will all have names that begin with Mr. and each one will remind me of a Mr. that got away. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The cats will welcome me when I come home. They will circle my legs and purr. They will vie for my lap.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">They will silently remind me of the other sounds of silence in my life:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The silence of grown up children leading their own lives.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The silence a teenage daughter suffering a monstrous mother.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The silence of routine.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The silence of my phone.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The silence of my inbox. </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ahhh. The deafening silence of my inbox. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">No white smoke yet on which feels worse: </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">no mail in my inbox in the myriad dating sites, or myriad irrelevant mails.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I hear a voice in my head (probably my mother's): "Lower your standards! you never know!"</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have already lowered my "looks" requirement from Ben Afflek to Woody Allen. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have already lowered my "education" requirements from University to No Spelling Errors.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have already lowered my "conversationalist" expectations from Pithy Quips to Not Monosyllabic.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have already lowered my "age range" expectations from Born after Woodstock to Born After Hiroshima. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have already lowered my "physical activity" expectations from Athlete to Ambulatory.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">If there is any advantage to being divorced, it is the opportunity for a Do-Over. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Is there anything wrong with wanting this Do-Over to be with someone who takes my breath away?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">In the meantime, "I turn my collar to the cold and damp" and I wait it out. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">.........................</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span>Rosahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16072737507245911501noreply@blogger.com5