Behind Every Great Woman

.........


It's official. I can't have it all. I'm not sure what the proverbial "all" includes, but I'm pretty darn sure I don't have it. 


I used to think that I could do it all, but as it turns out, that's not true either.


For the better part of my adult life I juggled house, career, kids, husbands, ex husbands, pets, orthodontists, psychologists, teachers, doctors, neighbors, beaurocrats, lawyers, idiots, rocket fire, gas masks, police, friends, enemies, family, ex family, clergy, mechanics, banks, and more; and not necessarily in that order; and oh yes, all in the middle east and all in another language. 


During the years, there were episodes when trouble seeped in slowly, yet sometimes it came in tidal waves. Either way, I clawed out of the debris ridden muck on my own. 


I have been making my way through life on my own for the last ten years. It doesn't mean I'm always alone or always lonely. It just means that no matter what happens, there is no one to blame but myself, no one to take credit but myself, no one to depend on but myself (trusting my siblings and mother will allow me a little poetic license this once).  


The good news is that there is suddenly a little strength left over for myself.



And in that residual strength, survival mode gave way to creativity. Reaction gave way to action. And amazing things began to happen. 


Among them, and not in this order:

• I ran a book club.
• I started a women's networking group.
• I turned 50 something.
• I bought an apartment.
• I started writing a blog.
• I started an online shop selling Israeli gifts outside of Israel. 

It is ten months and a week since heartbreak and my first blog entry. The experience of this thus far has been cathartic at least, and a joyous discovery of creativity at most.


So here we are today. No man to run home to. But I am too flooded with ideas to notice. 


I may have noticed that there is nothing to eat in the fridge, but I ordered pizza while optimizing my blog and shop for search engines.


I may have a load of laundry to do, but I'll do it as soon as I write this letter to a potential supplier.


I maybe should go to the gym, but I'll stop over at friends and show them how to add paypal to their shop. 


I maybe should go to bed because I have an early meeting, but I'll just add this one more item to my shop, it's too pretty to wait until tomorrow. 


Is it coincidental that when no men were around a few kind words of encouragement became the wind beneath my wings? Is it coincidental that the multi faceted generosity of a few good friends slash mentors unlocked an entrepeneurship that I thought beloged only to brave others? 


I am finally ready to combine my creative worlds on the front page of this blog. 


In my world of my shop, Carmel Gifts, I don't go on dates, but I make business calls. I don't write love letters, but I send emails to potential suppliers and customers.


Like absolutely everything else in my life, no, like life itself, the shop is a work in progress. 


So at the risk of self indulgence, I invite you to come in and shop around. Everything is made in Israel and everything is an expression of someone's creativity. 


You'll find amulets, Judaica, jewelry, weaving, soaps, silk, and more and more and soon to come more.


So you know that old expression "behind every great man there is a woman"? 


I'd suggest that behind every great woman there is no man.  


............................... 

Batter Up

----------------------------------------------
I was away for a while travelling in the US, visiting my family. It was a great distraction from my usual obsessions and a departure from my routines. Unfortunately, while not uninspired, I was feeling quite non-creative and viewed my experiences with less humor than melancholy.


While on holiday, I felt torn between saving the writing for a moment of inspiration that kept with the past blog entries, or writing even if my thoughts took a different direction. 


I have opted for the latter. As it turns out I "need" to write more than I thought I did. 


For a few days during my vacation, I sat in New England, at my sister's desk, finally satisfied that I had subjugated her ergonomic keyboard, but mass quantities of anti cold symptom syrup left me woozy at best and hallucinating at worst. Here is the result: 


Having returned from Northampton, Mass, the lesbian capital of the east coast,  I imagined myself as a resident, over 50, and looking for a man. Now THERE's a blog idea for you...


Or how about this scenario: Having returned from a Phillies game, I imagined myself up to bat, two outs, bases loaded, bottom of the ninth and crying. 


Well, I'm back in Israel: 

• I'm not in New England and not up to bat.
• I'm still looking for a man and still crying. 

I'm pleased to report that one has nothing to do with the other.  


Keep your fingers crossed for me.


--------------------------------------------