A Winter Wonderland

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I'm back. I wish I could say that, since I wrote last,  I've been swooped away by Mr. Right. But I haven't.


I've been distracted by my online store. I've experienced major entrepeneurial coups which are sure to change the face of e-commerce as we know it. Unfortunately, they all take place inside my head. 


I've also slipped into a funk here and there and found vegetating a satisfactory way to pass the evening. 


I know what has/had me down. My Life as a Thumbnail pretty much continues to sum up my experiences.  I wrote that entry months ago and I am fairly impressed with myself that my ideas remain relevant in my own little universe. On the flip side, I had hoped that this entire blog - sneaking up on a year pretty soon - would have run its course by now and STOPPED being relevant at all.  


I should have been spending this winter sharing body heat with my soul mate, rather than  searching for the thermal underwear I bought a few years ago. 


But rummage through closets I did, and the time was well spent. I found a lot of winter clothes that I had forgotten about. 


I will, of course, be buying new closets since mine shrink things.


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A Play in Three Acts

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Scene 1: Olden Times (circa before internet).

• Girl holds out hope for a week that Boy from blind date arranged by meddling aunts is interested. 
• Boy not calling.
• Girl calls Boy.
• Boy not answering. 
• Girl spends additional week justifying why. 
• Girl runs out of justifications.
• One ton of bricks falls on girls head.
• Boy makes his point that he is not interested.
• Girl goes on with her life. 
• Disappointment Factor: 1 Boy over Two Weeks

Scene 2: Present Day.

• Girl drinks coffee in front of computer.
• Girl logs onto 5 internet dating sites. 
• Girl sends messages to 7 attractive Boys.
• Girl makes second cup of coffee.
• Girl notices that 7 Boys have looked at her profile.
• Girl notices that 7 Boys have logged out.
• Girl notices that her inbox is empty.
• Girl is sorry she didn't buy ice cream.
• Disappointment Factor: 7 Boys over 10 Minutes

Closing Scene: Future

• Girl in urban all night mini market paying for kitty litter and various sundries. Girl  goes back for ice cream and meets Boy of her dreams in the freezer section.
• Girl knew that loyalty to Ben and Jerry's would eventually pay off.

No question that the sheer number of disappointments is the price of the sheer number of opportunites. 

For now, I just hope that if cyberspace doesn't offer (true) love, I'll eventually find my Boy  in the freezer section.  At least he'll be well preserved.

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My Life as a Thumbnail

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I have been perusing internet dating sites for so long that my field of vision is limited to 1.5 inches square. Don't ask me what someone looks like if I haven't seen them in a thumbnail picture. I just won't know. 


I expect everything in life to be accompanied by an "add to favorites button". (And you thought "Like" was an original idea...)


I have learned that a 50 year old guy who posts a picture from his 30s probably looks 60.


I have learned that a 52 year old guy who explicitly states that he is looking for women aged 30 to 34 is not going to make an exception in my case. As utterly ridiculous as I may find his preference, I have learned that telling him so is not going to endear me to him.


I have learned that the more a guy writes about himself, the more recent his separation. Not only is he not yet fed up with this whole medium and thinks that anyone has patience to read all the text, but he is grateful to find a platform to expound his new-found philosophies about women and relationships. 


I have learned that my first impressions are damn reliable, and that a guy who posts a picture of himself showering is not looking for a long term relationship, no matter what he tells you.


I have learned that I am going to be wildly attractive to some and totally forgettable to others, and it is not a reflection of me as a person (although I REALLY don't get it...)


It takes it toll on me sometimes. I think I have become a less nice person, at the very least less patient:


If I read one more time about a man who "loves life" and is "ready for chapter 2" I will puke. And I will no longer take the responsibility for carrying a conversation with a monosyllabic man.


At its best, internet dating has potential; there are just as many nice guys out there as there are shmucks. At its worst, it is a mine field of married men,  libido driven maniacs and egotistical scum buckets. 


The long and the short of it is that I am addicted to internet dating sites. 


Say what you will, it keeps me off the streets. 


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Nicotine, Alcohol and Testosterone

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There's a clever expression in Hebrew. When you see a woman smoking and drinking you say to her... "if you're not careful, you'll start going out with men..."

I love it... the implication that nicotine, alcohol and testosterone are equally addicting and detrimental and that one naturally leads to the next.

I would compare this whole internet dating scene to smoking. And I say that with fondness for both cigarettes and men, as an  ex-chain smoker and a serial dater.

For the most part, all the internet sites have the same men, just like all the kiosks have the same cigarettes.  But wait! Another shop just opened up and they have different brands. And the packaging!!!  SOOOO much better than my regular brand. 
One, two, three cigarettes. New packaging. Same old taste.  By the time we (i.e. I) are on our 4th and 5th cigarette we gag and get nauseated. Yet we keep coming back for more.

In time, we may have stopped smoking, but addiction to internet dating sites has replaced the habit, with its own set of gestures and insatiable urges.  

Rather than reach for cigarettes we wake up in the morning and reach for the laptop.  We have to have a look at the sites with our first cup of coffee.

And we take a break at work and sneak a look. And we look again when we get home, and again when relaxing in the evening.

The routine is always the same. Open up the same sites, look at the same faces, reject the same idiots, be rejected by the same men of our dreams. Face the same sensory onslaught until it becomes more than we can handle. How many rejections? How many disappointments? 

We swear we will not do this for a while; just like the myriad times we stopped smoking.


But even if internet sites won't give us cancer, it doesn't mean it isn't too much. There's too much input. Too much expectation. Too many options. Too much quantity over quality. We become no better than our children whom we kept away from the video games. We may even be worse as passiveness overtakes us. We sit with all sites open, waiting for something to happen. Waiting for our lives to change.

Yet, at least from internet dating sites, there is a glimmer of hope, an off chance that something may come of it at the end.  So if I have to have a "bad" habit, let it be this one.

At least it doesn't smell up the house.

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