October 4th 2015, 12:49.
Houston, come in. We have a problem.
111.10 kilos buck naked. Maximum payload exceded. Requesting go-ahead for emergency protocol.
*** Copy, Voyager. Commence emergency protocol***
Roger, Houston. Preparations commencing to shed excess. Commencing ice cream drain-off.
***Roger, Voyager. Rocky Road relocated to Milky Way. Continue. Over***
Copy. Commencing Carb ejection.
***Copy, Voyager. Got that on radar. Re-directing carbs to training camps for safe use. Over.***
Roger, Houston. Emergency Protocol completed. Ice Cream and Carbs ejected. Taking over controls. Overriding auto-pilot.
***Negative on that Voyager. ***
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Houston.Repeat. ice cream and carbs ejected, we can handle it from here. Relinquish controls. Over.
***Negative. Voyager. You can't handle shit. One minute without ice cream and carbs and you think you are safe. Confirm final weight and will consider relinquishing the vessel to your control. Over"
Shit, Houston. Over.
***Houston will continue monitoring your payload, Voyager. Over and Out."
Affirmative Houston. Thanks for watching my back. Over and Out.
I wish I had a dozen thin tied men watching monitors 24/7, protecting me from myself.
For lack of that, I have a doctor who is about to cut away part of my stomach and a team of cheer leaders rooting for my victory over temptation.
Maybe they will all be proud of me and eventually I will be proud of myself.