Hebrew has a wonderful expression roughly translated to "corrective experience". It is part of the lexicon relating to everything from the mundane to the sacred - that opportunity to play out the scene again, this time with a different ending. The best I can find in English is that children's cry of "Do-over". If we are sharp enough to recognize and create our opportunities, life can be filled with do-overs. Lot's of do-overs.
Many of us tried to do-over our fathers with our first marriage.
Some of us tried to do-over our ex-husbands with our second marriage.
So long after the second divorce, we (I) finally have it figured out that the only truly effective do-over is on ourselves. We are not going to correct anyone else.
With the wisdom of hindsight, I trust myself enough to allow back into my life the same one that I've alluded to before, the one that makes my heart skip a beat. I know full well that he isn't going to be there for the long haul. But this time, I'm not going to let him get to me.
I can't help but think of the expression: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
Now let's just hope that my heart cooperates and adjusts to the new set of rules.