About Me

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Haifa, Israel
Divorced and independent and still looking for Mr. Right in the back of the fridge.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Hormones and Hades


As if the very principle of being over 50 were not unfathomable enough, as if being back on the market over 50 were not a stroll through Hades, as if my body were not gravity's playground, amidst the havoc ridden exit of my own hormonal activity I have to deal with my last fledgling's periodic incarnations of a PMS demon.

As if I didn't feel bad enough that I can't get a date on Saturday night (or even a double-take from a bored doorman) and just when I need attention the most, I come home from a long day of work to hormonal grunts and steely stares that are my lot for having asked if she had a nice day; and how DARE I insist over and over and over again that she talk to me when she doesn't feel like talking. 

Recidivist that I am, I have been sentenced yet again to solitary confinement to ponder my misdeeds; she enters her sanctuary to readwhere no mother may enter lest they breath her air. 

I am spending another evening alone with my laptop, book and remote control. There's a lot to be said for that scenario, but after a few years, even that grows old. 

Years ago, in the throes of loneliness after divorce, a wise child psychologist warned me that making my child my best friend was too big a responsibility for them. 

I have internalized that concept so much so that I can honestly say, NO, it is not enough that I have my children, work and home. They do not fill all of my emotional needs. Their attention, whether it be genuine or because I control the car keys, does not replace the caressing attention of a man. 

That being said, for lack of a date on a Friday night, I'm really happy when all the kids are around. We curl up on the sofa to a movie, a bucket of ice cream and 4 spoons. 

And for a few hours, all is good in the world. 


1 comment:

  1. Definitely a woman needs her children, nor instead of but aswell as.