These things have never happened to me:

• I haven't spilled the contents of my pocketbook on a sidewalk and met my knight in shining armor.
• I haven't been rude to a man that was my night in shining armor
• I haven't met my knight in shining armor on an elevator
• My ex has never waited outside a building all day just so he could tell me how assinine he is.

These things have happened to me:

• I have tripped over my own feet and fallen flat on my face outside my favorite ice cream shop.
• I have had car trouble in the middle of the night and waited hours in the cold for a tow truck.
• I have gone to the movies alone on a Friday night
• I have been broken up with, fired and evicted within a week.

I always wanted to be one of those women who walked around morosely but didn't cry. She was just bitchy to everyone around her and sublimated her anger into success at a  high powered job. Instead, I am just me, who cries a lot, who gets caught up in the moment, who believes that people  (i.e. men) are basically decent and that the minority are jerks. I am giving and loving to the wrong person, but prefer that to shelfishness toward everyone.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and it never occurs to me that I shouldn't.

I will continue to make mistakes in life, just not the identical ones. I will continue to trust and continue to be hurt. But tht is just who I am. For every crack in my heart, I have rejected far more who never make it close to my heart. So everyone can think that I fall in love to fast, that I put myself out there too much. But they don't understand that the time spent alone is when I'm not doing that. When I'm waiting to feel something special.  That is who I am. for better or worse. Grabbing the special moments and crying when they disappear.

I'll get over it. Just like I always do. In the meantime I'll cry myself to sleep and feel better in the morning.


...........................................