Ladies of Hadassah

.......................

I wish I could just jump in to this entry from the middle of my train of thought because I don't have an elegant introduction. Here. I just did it. 

I've been away from blogging. Yet it is always hovering over me as one of the reasons I am distracted at my day job. There aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that I want to, or, more likely, not enough tooth picks in the world to keep my eyelids open at the end of the day when I get home from work. 

I have been devoting more attention to my shop, and less to my blog . But let's face it. When you get right down to it, both are serving the same purpose. 

Both my blog and my store keep me busy during those cuddly hours. During that free time that I am alone, that time I wish I could spend with a soul mate, or at the very least, someone who doesn't drive me up a wall. 

Despite the obvious disadvantages of not having a guy in my life, I am completing a tremendous number of tasks. Not to mention that I get to shamelessly eat peanut butter and jelly in front of the TV instead of setting a table and asking "how was your day, dear?" (still no white smoke on which situation I ultimately prefer.) 

I did have a date recently. A nice guy. A nice conversation. A nice cup of coffee. Nice, nice, nice. I came home and went back online to see if any new faces had shown up on the dating sites. I'm guessing that I'm not enthralled with nice. I know it should count for something. But I REALLY want the next one to take my breath away. 

I was grateful for the rainiest January Israel has seen in over 40 years. It makes it easier to admit that I didn't get out my pajamas all weekend (every weekend).

I cleaned up closets, I baked, I caught up on programs I had recorded. I watched movies with my kids. I worked on my store. And I finally filed all of my personal papers from 2011 that I had sworn I would file by the end of the year. 

Among the papers I came across was a certificate naming me a Life Member of Hadassah (thanks Mom). It came with a gold pin. 

I put the Hadassah Life Membership pin on my pajamas.

For the duration of the weekend I felt like a stunning socialite doing good for the state of Israel.  I was the scion of a perfect family and my progeny were given a perfect life, too.  

And then the weekend passed and I got out of my pajamas and dressed for work.  And I returned to reality.

And there you have it. Life as I know it is not always as glamorous as it could have been, nor is it as glamorous as other lives. But it is my life. And I am finally getting used to it.

................

A Winter Wonderland

..........
I'm back. I wish I could say that, since I wrote last,  I've been swooped away by Mr. Right. But I haven't.


I've been distracted by my online store. I've experienced major entrepeneurial coups which are sure to change the face of e-commerce as we know it. Unfortunately, they all take place inside my head. 


I've also slipped into a funk here and there and found vegetating a satisfactory way to pass the evening. 


I know what has/had me down. My Life as a Thumbnail pretty much continues to sum up my experiences.  I wrote that entry months ago and I am fairly impressed with myself that my ideas remain relevant in my own little universe. On the flip side, I had hoped that this entire blog - sneaking up on a year pretty soon - would have run its course by now and STOPPED being relevant at all.  


I should have been spending this winter sharing body heat with my soul mate, rather than  searching for the thermal underwear I bought a few years ago. 


But rummage through closets I did, and the time was well spent. I found a lot of winter clothes that I had forgotten about. 


I will, of course, be buying new closets since mine shrink things.


..........................

Behind Every Great Woman

.........


It's official. I can't have it all. I'm not sure what the proverbial "all" includes, but I'm pretty darn sure I don't have it. 


I used to think that I could do it all, but as it turns out, that's not true either.


For the better part of my adult life I juggled house, career, kids, husbands, ex husbands, pets, orthodontists, psychologists, teachers, doctors, neighbors, beaurocrats, lawyers, idiots, rocket fire, gas masks, police, friends, enemies, family, ex family, clergy, mechanics, banks, and more; and not necessarily in that order; and oh yes, all in the middle east and all in another language. 


During the years, there were episodes when trouble seeped in slowly, yet sometimes it came in tidal waves. Either way, I clawed out of the debris ridden muck on my own. 


I have been making my way through life on my own for the last ten years. It doesn't mean I'm always alone or always lonely. It just means that no matter what happens, there is no one to blame but myself, no one to take credit but myself, no one to depend on but myself (trusting my siblings and mother will allow me a little poetic license this once).  


The good news is that there is suddenly a little strength left over for myself.



And in that residual strength, survival mode gave way to creativity. Reaction gave way to action. And amazing things began to happen. 


Among them, and not in this order:

• I ran a book club.
• I started a women's networking group.
• I turned 50 something.
• I bought an apartment.
• I started writing a blog.
• I started an online shop selling Israeli gifts outside of Israel. 

It is ten months and a week since heartbreak and my first blog entry. The experience of this thus far has been cathartic at least, and a joyous discovery of creativity at most.


So here we are today. No man to run home to. But I am too flooded with ideas to notice. 


I may have noticed that there is nothing to eat in the fridge, but I ordered pizza while optimizing my blog and shop for search engines.


I may have a load of laundry to do, but I'll do it as soon as I write this letter to a potential supplier.


I maybe should go to the gym, but I'll stop over at friends and show them how to add paypal to their shop. 


I maybe should go to bed because I have an early meeting, but I'll just add this one more item to my shop, it's too pretty to wait until tomorrow. 


Is it coincidental that when no men were around a few kind words of encouragement became the wind beneath my wings? Is it coincidental that the multi faceted generosity of a few good friends slash mentors unlocked an entrepeneurship that I thought beloged only to brave others? 


I am finally ready to combine my creative worlds on the front page of this blog. 


In my world of my shop, Carmel Gifts, I don't go on dates, but I make business calls. I don't write love letters, but I send emails to potential suppliers and customers.


Like absolutely everything else in my life, no, like life itself, the shop is a work in progress. 


So at the risk of self indulgence, I invite you to come in and shop around. Everything is made in Israel and everything is an expression of someone's creativity. 


You'll find amulets, Judaica, jewelry, weaving, soaps, silk, and more and more and soon to come more.


So you know that old expression "behind every great man there is a woman"? 


I'd suggest that behind every great woman there is no man.  


...............................